Top 5: It’s Not a Phase, Mom

According to the Census Bureau, the average American spends six hours per day pursuing a hobby or leisure activity. For me, it’s more like 24. You see, my entire life has consisted of a series of phases. I’ll develop an interest in something, learn about it, and then spend every waking moment incorporating that thing... Continue Reading →

Top 5: Do You Even Game, Bro?

There are few things more intoxicating to the American man than the siren song of the video game. Over the course of my lifetime, video games have morphed from a niche interest for nerds into a $43 billion industry. It’s no longer a hobby for basement-dwelling teens, but a potentially lucrative profession for basement-dwelling adults.... Continue Reading →

Top 5: The Places You’ll Go!

I’ve never been much of a vacation guy. I know some people who spend their entire summers traveling, visiting the corners of the world with frequent flyer miles or road-tripping to US hot spots. It’s my understanding people enjoy doing this. Growing up, my parents’ idea of going on a summer vacation was blaring John... Continue Reading →

Top 5: My Greatest Hits Album

Holy crap, this is my 30th post. Since November, I’ve birthed 62,300 words out into the great abyss of the internet. That’s a couple fewer words than The Sun Also Rises; 16k more than ol’ Scotty wrote in The Great Gatsby. While it would be the humble thing to say I write for myself, that... Continue Reading →

Top 5: The Customer Is Always Right

Unless you’re one of those rare specimens with a platinum horseshoe up your ass, it’s likely you’ve worked in customer service at some point in your life. Working in retail or food or some other service industry is the suburbanite’s equivalent to manual labor; you’re like the Himalayan pink sea salt of the earth. I... Continue Reading →

Top 5: Summer Soundtrack

Each year, I wrap up the school year and head into summer. But summer break for me doesn’t mean days lounging by the community pool or exotic vacations to beachside towns; it means work. Work on the house, work entertaining the kids, work at the brewery. How I long for those lazy days of unstructured... Continue Reading →

Top 5: Well, That Was Awkward

Despite my sometimes crippling anxiety in public situations, I feel like I’m a pretty socially-adjusted human being. But interacting with other people doesn’t always go right for me. What follows are my Top 5 most awkward moments. 5 - Don’t Fence Me In I had a very suburban upbringing: cub scouts, little league, youth group... Continue Reading →

Coming Soon: Top 5s

My sophomore year of college, I was a mess. I spent close to zero time doing the things I was supposed to be doing (attending class; making meaningful connections with new peers and mentors; drinking my face off) and more time doing sad, weird shit (reading books in bed all day; talking to my old... Continue Reading →

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