I Don't Belong Here.

a humor blog from the trenches of suburbia.

My opinion on bringing your pets in public is pretty well known. When I grew up, I loved having dogs. I played with them, cuddled them, fed them, and picked up their shit in the backyard. But the thought of bringing one of my Yellow Labs to a public place and having them sit at …

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My boss Laura told me this afternoon in the kitchen that a coworker has been stealing the frozen meals that she brings for lunch. The interesting part is that they’re vegan Trader Joe’s meals, which appeals to a pretty niche demographic if you ask me. “I can’t believe that a grown adult at a professional …

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The assistant general manager at a restaurant in Old Town was on another one this afternoon. My buddy Brandon and I were there for lunch, and when we walked in, he was on the phone trying to negotiate a reservation situation for Sunday. It seemed pretty heated—I think the negotiations in Gaza are going better. …

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