Elves and Shelves
Dominic’s bedroom door has been closed a lot lately. Since he’s 11, I guess I should be giving him privacy and stuff. But I remember what I was doing when I was 11, so I bungee corded that shit open. “There are no closed doors in this house,” I said. And then I vomited, because …
Cold Case Files
How did I ever miss this show?
Mischief Night
Around 7 o’clock Friday night, I got a phone call from a blocked number. Like every other rational human on the planet, I don’t pick up unknown numbers, and I sure as shit don’t pick up ones with no caller ID. A minute later, my voice mail dinged. “Hi, this is Brenda from Planned Parenthood. …
Progress Report: Teaching in the COVID-era
I mean, I guess it could be worse?
Jenn’s Baby Shower
Baby showers are not my scene.
A Trip to the Mall
That American Girl doll is HOW MUCH?
Powerless Before Coffee
When the power goes out, I am like a pioneer, foraging for coffee
People Park Like A-Holes Night
Why are people so incapable of parking their vehicles?
Saturday Night at the Bar
Just another Saturday night behind the bar.
Seeing Stars
The filter in my virtual classroom might be set a little too ***** high.
Shirtless Old Dudes
When did I become a shirtless old dude?
Bad Snacks Trip
Nothing at Dollar Tree is at Dollar Tree because it’s fresh
Happy Endings
I’ve never had a professional massage. What’s the protocol here?
No More Sweatpants: Finding reasons to leave the house during a pandemic
I’m sick of sweatpants. There, I said it. Back when the world was still turning, sweatpants used to be a reward at the end of the day. I called them my “comfy clothes,” and I’d celebrate a job well done by putting them on and cracking a beer and letting the stress of the day …
No Spit: A New Dad’s Adventures in Puke
I understand the basic principle of burping a kid, but truthfully, I have never felt so unequipped for a task in my entire life.
The Name Game
Who’d have thought naming a new baby could be so stressful?
Three’s A Crowd
Being in a thruple isn’t as easy as Joe Exotic makes it seem.
Prepare to Die
I didn’t like The Princess Bride? Inconceivable.
Double Trouble
Are you sure there aren’t two in there?
My Name is Steve
Being a bartender can get boring, so sometimes, I like to spice things up.
Trash Talk
Serious question: You ever shit your pants in a brewery bathroom?
Because the Internet
I love social media because you’re an idiot.
I Remember My First Beer
I was five years old the first time I had a drink.
The Sounds of Silence
While a snow day means you don’t have to deal with other people’s asshole kids, it means you have to deal with your own.
Spare Some Change?
What do you do when someone asks you for money?
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