I Don't Belong Here.

TV For Sale

My loss is your gain!

What’s for dinner?

We’re having FP for dinner.

Elves and Shelves

Dominic’s bedroom door has been closed a lot lately. Since he’s 11, I guess I should be giving him privacy and stuff. But I remember what I was doing when I was 11, so I bungee corded that shit open. “There are no closed doors in this house,” I said. And then I vomited, because …

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Cold Case Files

How did I ever miss this show?

Mischief Night

Around 7 o’clock Friday night, I got a phone call from a blocked number. Like every other rational human on the planet, I don’t pick up unknown numbers, and I sure as shit don’t pick up ones with no caller ID. A minute later, my voice mail dinged. “Hi, this is Brenda from Planned Parenthood. …

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Progress Report: Teaching in the COVID-era

I mean, I guess it could be worse?

Jenn’s Baby Shower

Baby showers are not my scene.

A Trip to the Mall

That American Girl doll is HOW MUCH?

Powerless Before Coffee

When the power goes out, I am like a pioneer, foraging for coffee

People Park Like A-Holes Night

Why are people so incapable of parking their vehicles?

Saturday Night at the Bar

Just another Saturday night behind the bar.

Seeing Stars

The filter in my virtual classroom might be set a little too ***** high.

Shirtless Old Dudes

When did I become a shirtless old dude?

Bad Snacks Trip

Nothing at Dollar Tree is at Dollar Tree because it’s fresh

Happy Endings

I’ve never had a professional massage. What’s the protocol here?

No More Sweatpants: Finding reasons to leave the house during a pandemic

I’m sick of sweatpants. There, I said it. Back when the world was still turning, sweatpants used to be a reward at the end of the day. I called them my “comfy clothes,” and I’d celebrate a job well done by putting them on and cracking a beer and letting the stress of the day …

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Three’s A Crowd

Being in a thruple isn’t as easy as Joe Exotic makes it seem.

Prepare to Die

I didn’t like The Princess Bride? Inconceivable.

Double Trouble

Are you sure there aren’t two in there?

My Name is Steve

Being a bartender can get boring, so sometimes, I like to spice things up.

Trash Talk

Serious question: You ever shit your pants in a brewery bathroom?