I Don't Belong Here.

a humor blog from the trenches of suburbia.

MOVIE TAGLINE: He’s never coached. They’ve never won. Together, they’ll learn everything about winning! NOTABLE ACTORS/CHARACTERS: – Emilio Estevez plays Coach Gordon Bombay, which is the role I will forever associate with the non-Sheen Sheen. I also saw him in some movie about being trapped in a library, but the whole time I just kept …

Continue reading

It was my father who instilled in me that any man worth his salt must carry a few items at all times: a watch, a handkerchief, and a good knife. He forced a wristwatch upon me when I was a senior in high school and interning at The Philadelphia Daily News, saying I needed to …

Continue reading

$13.60 per 3-pack from Amazon Anyone who’s ever met me knows I don’t leave the house without my notebook. It’s something I started doing when I was the manager of the guitar shop to track my daily to-do lists, but over the years it’s morphed into an obsessive routine. Now, in addition to capturing grocery …

Continue reading

One of my favorite features in New York Magazine is this series called “Things I Can’t Live Without.” Each week, a celebrity writes a shopping list of his favorite little amenities. The whole premise of the feature is that these celebrities aren’t showing off their t-shirts with six-figure price tags or their favorite Pollack that …

Continue reading