I Don't Belong Here.

My boss Laura told me this afternoon in the kitchen that a coworker has been stealing the frozen meals that she brings for lunch.

The interesting part is that they’re vegan Trader Joe’s meals, which appeals to a pretty niche demographic if you ask me.

“I can’t believe that a grown adult at a professional workplace would do that,” I said. “What would compel someone to steal someone else’s lunch?”

Laura said the worst part was that she actually WATCHED the person who stole it prepare the frozen meal for themselves. Yet she said nothing—I assume because this thief was someone who she wasn’t comfortable confronting.

“I wanted to walk up to them and say ‘oh, you like the vegan meals from Trader Joe’s? I bring them for lunch all the time! We should eat our frozen vegan Trader Joe’s lunches together! Oh wait. I can’t because someone took mine.'”

I just love how universal of a thing this is. The office kitchen is fucking CUT THROAT. If you want to see someone’s true colors, have them forget their leftovers at home and see what happens when they’re hungry at lunch time. There are no allegiances. Social constructs break down. It is every man for himself. We might as well be on the fucking Serengeti battling for the scraps of a wildebeest.