I Don't Belong Here.

a humor blog from the trenches of suburbia.

This morning on Instagram, I came across an ad for a website called “StopMasturbationNow.org.” It was a picture of a pair of hands on a ladder pointed toward a light in the sky, and the text read “you will never climb to heaven with your hands full of penis.”

I thought maybe it was a joke, but there is absolutely a website called stopmasturbationnow.org.

Article headlines include:

– Should people who masturbate be allowed to vote?

– 17-year-old girl struck by lightning while masturbating

– How to spot a masturbator

– The environmental impact of masturbation

– UNCOVERED: The big masturbation plot to self-rape our children

I could’ve probably spent hours on the site, but there’s just not enough time in the day. Not so for the founder of this site, who apparently has enough time to write all these articles. Probably because he’s not wasting all that time masturbating.

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