I Don't Belong Here.

a humor blog from the trenches of suburbia.

I tried to get ahead of the requests for us to turn on certain March Madness games today by writing out a list of all the games, their times, and the channels they’d be on. That way, if a customer asked me to turn on the UVA game, I wouldn’t have to fumfer around with which channel it was on.

The first request came as soon as we opened from a regular named Roy who comes with his wife every Saturday afternoon.

“Is anyone watching that?” he asked, pointing to the NCAA pregame.

I readied my handwritten list. “Not really. I can put it on whatever game you want. There’s Georgetown versus —”

“Can you put on golf?”


“Yeah, like the Golf Channel?”

I looked around. There were only a few customers in the bar. I wanted to make Roy happy, but also…who the fuck wants to watch GOLF during March Madness? Isn’t that the sport you watch when there’s no other sports on?

But Roy is a good guy and he tips well, so I put it on for him, crossing my fingers that no other customer would complain. Thankfully nobody did, and as soon as he and his wife headed for the door I changed the channel by the time it swung shut.

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