I Don't Belong Here.

a humor blog from the trenches of suburbia.

When a clerk undercharges you for something, does that count as stealing? 

Tonight I bought five Slim Jims at 7-Eleven, and the clerk only scanned one. The total on the screen came to $2.25, and I held out a $20 bill. The clerk stared at me for a second, I assume because he was thinking $2.25 for five Slim Jims? That can’t be right. 

Meanwhile, I stared back at him, thinking $2.25 for five Slim Jims is DEFINITELY not right, but I am going to stand here, offering you my $20 bill like I expected $17.75 in change this whole time. It was like encountering a bear in the woods—if I stayed still enough and pretended like this whole thing was totally normal, he would continue on with his life.

And it worked, because he took my money and gave me my change and in the process became an accomplice in the Great Slim Jim heist of 2022. I can only hope that if he’s captured that he doesn’t buckle under interrogation, because I’d be pretty identifiable as that middle-aged white guy with the glasses who buys five Slim Jims at a time.

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