I Don't Belong Here.

I recently lauded the junk drawer’s unifying powers as something we sorely need in our current world.

But not all drawers are created equal. Oh no.

In fact, I believe there’s a relative of the junk drawer that casts a shadow of pure evil across every household in the world.

I’m talking about the Tupperware drawer.

Seriously, what the fuck is up with this thing? How can a receptacle with such homogeneous contents continually look like the fairgrounds after Woodstock ’99?

If CPS ever saw my Tupperware drawer, I’d never see my kids again.

Here’s the thing: I’m an organized guy. My bookshelves are impeccable, ditto my dresser, which is folded and color-coordinated in a way that would make an obsessive-compulsive cry tears of joy.

But I cannot for the life of me figure out how to keep this goddamn drawer together.

I’ve tried, I swear I’ve tried. My wife and I have invested HOURS in taming these feral containers, nesting the like-shaped pieces together and stacking the lids in a large-to-small fashion.

But it’s no use. Five minutes later, chaos has descended once again.

I understand the concept of entropy, and I am enough of a realist to accept that one day we’re all just going to fall into the fucking ocean and live a Kevin Costner existence until our Great Maker takes pity on us and ends it all.

Until then, would it be so terrible for Him to help me find a lid in under five attempts?