While a snow day means you don’t have to deal with other people’s asshole kids, it means you have to deal with your own.
The Sounds of Silence
The Final Voyage of the S.S. Crapyapants
Everyone has a scarring family story. Mine involves my grandfather and his boat.
My San Junipero – Part III
At ’90s night, we dance, we sing, we puke. We search for our former selves.
My San Junipero – Part II
There’s a reason why 30somethings don’t leave the house. In public, we’re awkward.
My San Junipero – Part I
This year, a bar opened in my home town for the first time in its three-century history. This might not sound like a big deal, but when your town’s most exciting social venue is a tie between an antique shop and the Wawa parking lot, a new bar is like what Studio 54 must have…… Continue Reading →
Coming Soon: The Beltway Chronicles
I wrote this entire series while in traffic.
Halloweenie
Don’t pretend like you weren’t afraid of the dark when you were a kid.
Driving Darth Maul – Part V
After all this talk about costume accuracy, I’m confused about the guy at the table in the corner who wears a half-assed tunic and a pair of what is very clearly football shoulder pads. I’m not kidding – I can see where they say EASTON on the plastic. “Who’s that guy supposed to be?” I…… Continue Reading →
I Was a Preteen Juggalo – Part II
I’m a little fuzzy on what JWO stood for. I’m pretty sure it stood for “Junior Wrestling Organization,” but it’s totally possible it stood for “Juggalo World Order,” which is what just came up when I Googled JWO. Either way, my duties following my induction into the JWO were clear: I was now a member…… Continue Reading →
I Was a Preteen Juggalo – Part I
One of the self-deprecating jokes I make when I introduce myself to someone for the first time is that I peaked in high school. I say it not because I think it’s true, but that it demonstrates I have a sense of irony and perspective on the world not found in all humans. In my…… Continue Reading →