I Don't Belong Here.

a humor blog from the trenches of suburbia.

This year, a bar opened in my home town for the first time in its three-century history. This might not sound like a big deal, but when your town’s most exciting social venue is a tie between an antique shop and the Wawa parking lot, a new bar is like what Studio 54 must have …

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I’ve never been much of a Halloween guy. It’s probably because the street I grew up on wasn’t very conducive to trick or treating. There aren’t sidewalks, and the houses are pretty far apart, so it would’ve taken four hours to get down the street on my little legs. So each year, my mom would …

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Author’s note: This is Part V of a multi-part series. For an optimal reader experience, it’s best to read Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV first. After all this talk about costume accuracy, I’m confused about the guy at the table in the corner who wears a half-assed tunic and a pair …

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Author’s note: This is Part II of a three-part series. For an optimal reader experience, read Part I first. I’m a little fuzzy on what JWO stood for. I’m pretty sure it stood for “Junior Wrestling Organization,” but it’s totally possible it stood for “Juggalo World Order,” which is what just came up when I …

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One of the self-deprecating jokes I make when I introduce myself to someone for the first time is that I peaked in high school. I say it not because I think it’s true, but that it demonstrates I have a sense of irony and perspective on the world not found in all humans. In my …

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There are few things more intoxicating to the American man than the siren song of the video game. Over the course of my lifetime, video games have morphed from a niche interest for nerds into a $43 billion industry. It’s no longer a hobby for basement-dwelling teens, but a potentially lucrative profession for basement-dwelling adults. …

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